In India most girls get married by their late twenties but are you one of the select few who are single? Are you still waiting for Mr. Right and ‘my career is important’ is one of your handy excuse?
In the Indian society many people act downright judgmental and old-fashioned when it comes to getting hitched. Yes, you have a great career and earn well but everyone needs that someone special and getting married to the right person at the right time also matters.
Gauri Kapur* who got tired of ‘seeing ‘ arranged fixes started finding excuses to reject guys. She would dismiss or reject proposals based on looks, heights, work, family and once because of his smile! But with age choices dwindled, the matrimonial sites and agencies don’t get good rishtas now and she regrets that why did she reject so many good guys. In the same boat as Gauri? Sit back and answer these questions and you might find the reason of being unmarried:
Are you anti-arrange marriage?
Many Indian women perceive arrange marriage as outdated. Rejecting a prospective groom just because your parents like him is not sensible. No one knows you better than your parents and if they think they can find the right guy for you, be open to arrange marriage meetings. Meet the guy alone on a few dates to see if you are comfortable and compatible.
Are you scared about the future (yours and your parents)?
Many of us are single (or maybe siblings) daughters and know after marriage our parents will be left alone. It is hard for any girl to set a new life, knowing her parents might be alone and lonely but remember their stigma of not finding you a life partner is way above yours. All parents want their kids to be happy and settled and by getting late you just increase their anxiety.
You have seen your friends come back, get divorced, being left alone but remember marriage is a gamble and not playing the game is not making you any safer. Take your chances and remember you have a family who will support you in case of worst scenarios.
Are you fake and superficial?
Most women have a list of habits, looks and traits we want in our hubby and in-laws. But many have specific things like he should have a BMW, live without his parents, etc. Unreal expectations can hinder your chance of meeting Mr Right. Remember the next time you meet a prospective groom pay attention to his parents, his upbringing and his nature over such superficial qualities.
Is your work draining you out?
Sometimes over demanding jobs, crazy bosses, back to back meetings can leave you drained and looking at prospective life partners at this moment is not the best of ideas. Start taking your work easily, go on a vacation, spend time with friends and family. If all else fails switch jobs. Remember your job is a small part of who you are and if it does not give you the time to meet new people, marriage will remain a far away dream.
Are you a flirt?
Most Indian men love to date and have fun with flirty women but when it comes to settling down they want a docile woman. The term flirting does not mean that you throw yourself at men, sometimes being over-friendly too classifies as flirting with men. See the people you mingle with, often they are the first ones to spread nasty stuff about you.
Are you perpetually angry?
Vent up anger can instantly burn all bridges for communication and kill relationships. If you feel you have an inner fury try and rationalize why and when did you become this grumpy person. Sometimes when relationships go wrong we blame ourselves, this blame turns into anger towards the unfair treatment by life. Many-a-time it a love affair gone wrong, to much pressure to settle or just the taunts and jibes by aunty-ji’s about your shaadi.
Do you have an attitude problem?
Yes you draw a huge salary, you have the trendiest of clothes and the flashiest of cars but are you a warm and caring person? Sometimes our attitude and ego show us in a different way. Try to show your true nature before you let your attitude take over and spoil any relationship. Understand at some point everything in life calls for compromise and the best relationships have some compromises involved.
Now sit down and think back about all your past relationships. Has your resentment or not being open to a new life made you take wrong decisions? Marriage is not the end of your life or career but just about finding the person you can curl up with on the couch post a stressful day at work and unwind.
*name changed to protect identity